ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
