Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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