So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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