Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
