I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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