I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
