Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it's like iHOP with fire
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize