I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
