I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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