foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
