Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
4 words: hood of his car
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
