Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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