Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
