so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
