i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
