If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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