Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
