My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh god it's open bar.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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