There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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