Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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