I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
