my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
