The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
