My sheets look like a crime scene.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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