why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
