i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
