i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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