They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
