I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
