Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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