i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
