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Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
