break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
my poor anus
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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