I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
