He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
