Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize