I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
