I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize