Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Ladies don't puke and tell
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
