you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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