we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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