you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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