She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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