with your own penis?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
