Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
