you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
