You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
