6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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