dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize