Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
are you still at the devil's house?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
