you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
