Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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