then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
