We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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