You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
