just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
