I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
