I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
