He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
