How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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