what day is it and did you see me today?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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